Fangirling in German: How I figured it out

So I have been really bad at this whole "blogging" thing and I am sorry, but not that much. Through my series of tongue out selfies and quirky posts I think you can figure out what I have been up to! Today I want to give you a really honest blog post, i would really appreciate if you would just read it. Tonight I did something abnormal for me.... I went to a movie with Austrian friends, and it was in German. These are two things that kind of intimidated me for a long time.

Now let me explain some things to you. First: As an exchange student in Austria the general trend is that it is really hard to make friends and do things with them. My classmates are very  nice, but they are so stressed out with studying and school work that they have little time left.
Second: The movie being in German would seem normal but as there is a theater in my town that shows movies in their "original language" (usually English) I like to do that. My life is so filled with German that I find it refreshing to see a movie in English sometimes. I also have spent the last eight months telling myself that movies in German give me a headache, or that I don't really understand and before today had only seen 2 movies in the theater that were not in English and I did struggle. Third: I am sometimes so intimidated about hanging out with Austrian friends because I feel like my German is not good enough to really talk to them. I don't want to be "the stupid American" and make everyone speak in English to me, so instead I chose to mostly listen....for almost eight months. I let this worry and anxiety have way too much over my life for WAY too long.

Tonight however, on the third night of my spring break, I went to see Insurgent with 3 of my school friends and we had an amazing time (or at least I did...) We laughed, joked, and just hung out. It was so great. I always told myself I couldn't watch, understand, or enjoy movies in German, but today I laughed and I cried (at the appropriate times). I understood what was happening and walked away not with a headache, but feeling invigorated and revitalized. I am so proud that I finally realized that my German is at a point where I can understand almost every word in a dialogue heavy movie. I never though this would happen. When we walked out of the movie I was even able to fangirl "auf Deutsch" with one of my friends about the movie, how it was not like the book, how cute the actors were, and how excited/nervous we are for the next movie. Until today I didn't know I could do that! By trying again to do some things I find genuinely scary I had one of my best nights in Austria so far.

So the point of this post I guess is to say that I finally feel like something is really happening.  I have enjoyed traveling, meeting new people, and having tons of new experiences. I spend a lot of my time here thinking I cannot speak German, have no social life, and wonder sometimes what I will take back from my exchange; but today I had my epiphany. When you decide that you want to do something, you can. When you really feel excited it is acceptable to use grunts and hand motions mixed in with and instead of words, and that is a great way to communicate, and you don't even have to feel like an idiot. Sometimes you just have to try not harder, but more.Even if something doesn't work out the first time, that doesn't mean it wont the second, third, tenth....  I spent many years in FFA working to get "outside of my comfort zone" but I can honestly say that nothing in English is really uncomfortable to me, but living my life in a new language and culture is defiantly a challenge. I remembered today that it is ok to take chances, make mistakes, and get messy because life begins at the end of your comfort zone.

(just for you mom!)

Now I am not claiming that everything will be perfect now, or my year has just been permanently changed, but as my exchange winds to a close I hope that I can remember these little lessons I learned and try to live my life without (or with less)  fear so that I can have many more great memories!

PSA: please forgive my English here and when we talk next in person, although my German is better and better my English is not benefiting from my exchange and my spell check can only do so much!